The Speech Obama Failed to Deliver

By Ben Stein on 8.27.12 @ 6:11AM

A return to L.A. coincides with a growing sense of doom.

Friday
I keep thinking about our man, Barack Obama, and especially about his promises in 2008. There have been many Presidents. But has any President ever had a wider gulf between what he promised he would do and what he actually did or did not do?
What if, at his momentous moment at Grant Park in Chicago on the night of his win, he had said this speech:
"Now, friends, thank you for electing me. To tell you the truth, I am a good speaker as long as I have a prompter in front of me. But I have absolutely no clue at all as to how to get us out of this recession. None at all. I will, however, spend the money of the people who pay taxes to give out a lot of money to people who are either union members or do not pay taxes. I will spend a trillion dollars in a year and I have no idea of what, if any good it will do.
"I'll also get my captive Congress, led by the most pitifully weak Speaker ever, and a man who gives the word 'party hack' a bad name, to pass a health care bill that will dramatically raise taxes, cut Medicare payments, cram patients into doctors' offices, create complete chaos -- and I will do it in the dead of night without even showing the Republicans what's in the bill. I won't show anyone else either! That's the gag! We'll be passing a bill that will cost trillions and NO ONE will know what's in it! NOT EVEN ME!!!! "They didn't call me 'Good time Barry' at Punahou for nothing!
"Plus, you know how we have only one reliable ally in the whole world, and that's Israel, probably the most militarily significant power after us, Russia, and China? Yes, the Israel that's the only democracy in the Middle East, where Arabs have more rights than they do in any Arab country? We're going to take that country's premier and HUMILIATE the SOB right outside my office, make him cool his heels like a job seeker at a union hall and then I'll tell him what a loser he is!
"That's how I'll show my Jewish friends what I think about Israel.
"Then, Britain? That 'special relationship' country? I'll humiliate them, too. I think I'll just hug the Queen like she's my Mom. Then when they give me a magnificent gift, I'll give them a CD of my speeches -- in a plastic box.
"And the deficit? I'll double it in three and a half years. With nothing to show for it.
"Plus, if we find Osama bin Laden, I think I'll have the SEALs take all of the risks and then I'll go on TV and pretend I did it all myself.
"Plus, did you see about those thugs who threatened anyone who didn't vote for me at some polling place somewhere? I am not going to prosecute them at all. Not one bit. Not even for a second! What are friends for?
"Well, anyway, it's late, so let's PARTAY HEARTAY!"
He didn't give that speech. Too bad.